Saturday, November 14, 2009

Saturday Blahsssss

I watched "Bride Wars" tonight..alone..without a friend. I saw it when it first came out, I went with my cousin. We had a blast during the movie, laughed and cried at all the same parts....

I am sooooooo lonely....there's no other way to describe it, I have alienated and withdrawn from everyone I used to be close to. I have adopted a new body, one that has packed on so much weight that I don't recognize myself anymore, I have a face that has to hide behind makeup because my skin looks like a 14 year old boys who's going thru puberty and I can't remember the last time I laughed like a really honest tears running down my face laugh. Did I mention I'm losing my hair too? I am 30 and losing my hair, I can literally pull out handfuls without even trying. Don't even get me started on the last time I actually felt attractive, maybe 3 years ago, hell probably longer than that...

I have no idea who I am anymore. I know my roles, the mom, the wife, the student, the friend?, the keeper of things that should be thrown away (yes, a pack rat), the nomad who can't seem to find a home that will actually stay in one place. Maybe that's all there is, maybe this is all I'm supposed to be. Maybe this is why I'm lonely??? Or maybe its just a bad night?


  1. The interesting thing about our life is that the next day is yet to come and it's new. New to do what comes, what you want, what you want it to be....We keep on trekking until we figure it out.

    Wish I could be there with ya to laugh til the tears poured down and we almost pee our pants. :)

    Hugs Mesa. xoxo

  2. We all have those moments. You are moving and you are stressed all normal. Now, once you get to your new place make an effort to make some friends, I know easier said then done. I don't have a lot of friends either BUT I do have a few and it is nice, so I think you should give it a shot. As far as your weight, listen you are stressed don't beat yourself up too much about that just make small adjustments and some of the weight will come off and then once you are settled and feeling less stressed then focus on the weight.
    Good Luck

  3. Oh my friend. When will you ever learn that there is One who can lift you and allow you to realize who you are and comfort you in times of sadness, lonliness and heartache. Just let Him in. my love