Saturday, February 21, 2009

My Heart Hurts

I just received this pic yesterday

This is a picture of my mom's head stone. My Uncle (her brother) had it made and it will be placed next to my grandmas in Utah. I think sometimes I must be in denial, I go along everyday and there's a part of my head that knows she's gone, but it's like I just push it away and now to see this, it makes it really real, over and over again I'm reminded she's gone and I'm all alone. I can't breathe. I can't see. I miss her. I'm so tired of being strong, I'm so tired of holding it all together. I'm tired of being angry. I'm just tired. I know that time is supposed to lessen the pain and I'm sure in a hundred years or so I'll feel better or a little less tired I hope.


  1. Oh...dear... ugh... The words are never easy. I remember getting my moms death certificate. It makes you sick. Every time I see it.

    Time does make it "easier" but it's never "easy". I read your first post (why'd you delete it, it was so honest) and I've read the second start, so I feel like I know your story better now.. and all I can say is that I'm here for you. I know how it is. You have to let yourself hurt though. I didn't for a long time, and it's just worse when you keep it in. (((hugs)))

  2. Beautiful HeadStone...
    sending you hugs

  3. I'm sorry Mesa. Sending virtual hugs your way.

  4. Sending you lots of HUGS!!!!!!!!
    Beautiful headstone!

  5. It's okay to cry. And scream. Kick the bed...(the mattress of course, not the wood or metal). I hope that you have a good, solid shoulder to cry on. It sounds as if you do....thoughts are with you.

  6. You have some awards waiting for you over at my blog! :)

  7. Oh sweetie. I don't know what to say. I don't think I could hold it together either if I lost my mom. And you don't have to all the time.

  8. I have a harder time now then I did then. There is no subsidence on the pain. There will be moments when you let it in and there will be moments that you don't. the void will always be there, but you make it work for you. You don't have to be strong all the time, sometimes you just need someone else to be strong for you...for a day. let it out. =)
    I guess that is what blogging is for too. I am sorry you are sad. Sending you a big bloggy Hug and a hawaiian peck on the cheek for Aloha.
    That is a beautiful Headstone.